Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
