i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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