omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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