Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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