well you can't waste a boner
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
