i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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