fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
