i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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