I hate your face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
