She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
