You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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