Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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