I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
