i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
