If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize