Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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