Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
