At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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