My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
