Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
