This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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