i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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