this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
