piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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