At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
