She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
