Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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