We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize