girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
