I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
