I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
