erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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