walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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