It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
