So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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