Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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