just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
