Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
