we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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