So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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