Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
