who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
