I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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