I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
