hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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