I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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