On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
