I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
