if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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