So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
