Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
