I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
