You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
