Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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