guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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