I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
