literally had 100 drinks last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
