What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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