Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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