Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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