im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
