when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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