We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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