My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
