the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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