In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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