she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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