If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
