her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
