actually, I'm a sock model
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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